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I met with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law to discuss the "Satisfy My Thirsty Soul" Bible study we were doing. I'm not sure what question we were talking about, but I think I shared that I just don't know how to worship God all the time. My mother-in-law said something like, "We are to be occupied with Him." Something about the way she said it or how she emphasized the word "occupied" really hit me, though not until way later in the day.
I try my hardest to be "occupied" with the Lord, focusing on Him and giving Him the glory, but man I don't do it well. Here's the catch: that kind of being occupied puts the responsibility on me. Instead, I realized that God the Spirit is already occupying me. I asked Him there a long time ago. When I allow Him to fill my life, satisfy me, then the overflow is the praise and worship that comes out.
The thing is, I have to allow Him to fill me up. I so easily and often stifle His Presence. But, instead of working harder to worship, pray, or do His will, I just need to let go of myself and let the worship flow. We need to get to the point when we say, 'Lord, I'm so done with me."
I doubt if this can make sense to others in these words. It was just such a revelation to me. It is freedom.
Here's the other thing. I came across a quote in the Thirsty Soul book that had made me question myself in my worship. It said something to the effect that thanksgiving was focusing on our blessings, but worship was focusing on God. From that I took that when I was thankful, I was being selfish. I started second-guessing my motives in thanksgiving. Dang, I can't even get thankfulness right! Luckily my loved ones set me straight that, of course you are thankful when you worship. But, it dawned on me that other things have made me question my methods. My pastor once gave a sermon on the kinds of prayers God can answer...He can't force anyone to be or do anything. So now when I pray I'm so careful not to say the wrong thing. When I embraced this "I'm so done with me" though, I recognized that God is bigger than my wrong kind of worship or my wrong kind of prayer or my wrong kind of Bible study. It would be like me as a Mommy saying, "No, you can't give me that Mother's Day card because you didn't do it the right way." Ridiculous!
Lord, I just pray that you would OCCUPY me. I want to be OCCUPIED by You. Please FILL me with Your love and peace and strength and joy until it overflows on everyone else and they recognize it as You! I worship you for being so amazing and good. You are beautiful.
